imma wiserd: THE COMMENTARY OF DOOM!
by Thunder Krystal
Summary: Third part of THE COMMENTARY OF DOOM! series. Rated T for my sailor mouth.
1. Where Turtle Scares His Mother

… **By the end of this commentary, my brain will die.**

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AN: afta redin da hairy potty **The potty's hairy?** books (not rly i saw the mooviez lolololol) **Why did you say you read the books then?** i desided 2 make mi own hary potty storee. **Fanfiction. FANFICTION!**

note 2 da reedars: neva beliv any1 hu sayz a blak man dont like fired chickin **Dude, there might be some vegetarian black man out there!**

I wuz sittin out on da porch an mi mama leend out da windo an sayed "watchu doin soulja spirit buu jackson?". **Already hate this story.**

"nuttin much" i said "we gut no food".

"o turtle don cri" **… His name's Soulja. How is his name turtle? Wait, Soulja sounds like soldier!**

"na mama i aint mad" i says. **Why would he cry if he was mad? **den i loked at da gund n said "i wish i had sum fried chinkin" den... dere wuz fried chikin on da grion **Groin?** !11111111111111 **NOOO! FIRST TARA GILESBIE/TODD G, NOW RAVENRETALLISHUN! JO BEL HAS TAKEN OVER THEM!**

"yo buu wuz dat i smel" mi mama said. I lookd arund all snecky like and den i whispad "fried chikin" an it went away. i wuz scared but nut in a**(n)** afrayed way **That's like saying I was angry but not in a mad way.** den i whispad again "fried chicken" and it appered agan!111 so den i desided 2 tri sumden out. "wattamelon" an dere it iz a big ol slice o watrmellon at mah fet. mah mam lend out da door agan "boi now i no i smel sumden". so den i leaned ova and wispad "fired chikin... wattamelon" an dey boat went away. i gut up an says 2 mi mama "lock mama!11 i aint gut nottin!11" **… I give up on life.**

"but im so hundreh" sayed ma mama. den i felt sad. so i pointed mah finger at da grund an sayed "fried chikin" den a big ol bunmch of fired chikim appeerd. mi mama jumpt an scrammd. she ran in da house an slamed da door. "dun cum bak or ill shot ya!" she sayd. so i left.** SHOOT HIM! SHOOT HIM!**

so whadda think? IF U FLAM UR RASSIST. **I MEEN IF U FLAM UR SMRT!11111**


	2. Where Turtle Meets Alvin

**Wow… one review? Déjà vu… TWICE! Also, Friday the 13****th****… It's unlucky now for me; I KEEP GETTING CUT AND BRUISED! D:**

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AN: im jus ritin dis now becuz i gut a butload o insparashun **HAHAHAHA! BUTT!**

den i went 2 hagwats. **? **dena nigga came out a no were an says "hey im harry potter" **HARRY POTTER IS WHITE!** i turned an said "u aint harry potter!11 i saw him in da movis!"

"i no but fo da audeance dey got a wite boi 2 play mi" **I doubt it.**

"wat i said. **You heard me.**

"u herd mi" **AWESOME! :D**

"dem rassist ppl!"

i entred da big ol place were everabodi eatz **… The Great Hall…?**an dey put da wiserd hat on mi hed and it says "yo in ravenclaw"** (A/N dis is a mi imortel refferese coz I'm stooped lolol!111)**

"hey daz were i stay" sed harry potter.**NO IT ISN'T! **den we both went to da room togedder. wen we were dere we saw the dumbldoor. **Is that some door? **an he turnt 2 mi an sez "welcum 2 skool distrect 7 (wateva dat meens). im ur dumbledoor." **?**

hairy turnd t mi an seys "dis is da dumbledoor of da entire skool." **I WANT A DUMBLEDOOR AT MAH SCHOOL! GIMME!**

"hi mistr duumbledoor"

"yo can call mi alvin". **So Dumbledoor (even if it is Dumbledore)'s Alvin so Snape must be Simon and Hagrid must be Theodore! I like Theodore. His little cheeks are so kawaii!**

"ok alvin"

"goodbi" he sed an raned out on hiz broomstik. **How the fuck can you run on broomsticks?**

"im sleepi" sed hairy potter

"butt its not even 12 o clock yet" i sed **Yes, stupid Harry.**

"i no but tomorow we hav skool an ill sho u all de pretti girlz an how to play bromstiks" **You mean Qudditch?**

"sho" i sed "do u lik 50 cent?" **No.**

"do u lik soulja boi?" sed harry **You haven't answered, Harry. Also, why would she 'lik' soulja boi? That sounds disgusting.**

we were best frends. ***kills self for fear of being overpowered by extreme stupidness***


	3. Where Turtle Has A Ball In His Hole

**One review? Again?**

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AN: im jus crankin dem out!1 if dis keepz up i jus mite publish it! ***laughs* No publisher would ever accept your vile excuse for a story and besides, this is a fanfiction.**

da next day me an hary went doun 2 da big kitchin where all da chillin were chillin :) **…**

i sat down at a tabel nex 2 a pak o crackers whu sayd "boi u cnat sit here!" **Someone, help me.**

"y" i sed** ASKED. ASKED!**

"u haf 2 sit at da bak of da kitchin!" **That's unfair.**

den hairy came down an sayed "dun mind him. dat tabel is fo da snake ppl. ur a ravencaw! u hav 2 sit at da ravenclaw tabel!" so we sat at da ravinclaw tabel. "dun mind dat cracker. daz rassist."** …**

"ok" i sed **You're always sed.**

"des r mi frinds" dere wuz a pretty gurl named herman. she fell in love wit me. **Already?** it wuz so grat. we had brekfast togedder. den we went 2 skool. furst we had magik class. **What about Ron?** the teecher wuz an old womin wit glases and an ol droopy suit. "letme see wut u can do" she said. i pointed at da ground. "fried chikin" i sed. sum fried chikin apered on da flor. she piked it up an took a bit. "yum yum" she sayed and eatted it all. "i no wut class u should go in. u shud go in da blak magic clas."

"wut" i sed.

"dun worri, im nut rassist" she sad. "sum children r good at blak magik whil odders r wite magik." **OK…?**

"well ok" i sed **STOP SEDDING!**

she gave us lots o homwork. **Yeah, give Soulja/Turtle the most homework!**

we had mor classes. den hary tok me outsid. "heres a bromstik" he said. and he gave me a bromstik. "wats dis 4?" i sed. "4 bromstiks fool!" harry sed. "dunt get hurt turtle" sed herman.** -_-**

"now dis is wut u hav 2 catch" sed hary and he took out a ball wit wings. it flu in2 da ski.

but u hav 2 dog dis cuz it will try an hit u" he took out a big blak ball that hit me in mi hed. "ow i sed"

"sorry" sed hary. he took out his wand an sed "go away" and the big blak ball flu into da sky.

den he tok da biggist ball of dem all. **THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!** it looked lik a soccer ball. "u have to pass dis so it goes into da hols." he throgh it at me an i caut it. "UR AMAZING" sed harry potter. so we flew up in da sky an began 2 play. mi ballz startd 2 hurt. "my balls hert!" i sed. ***smirks* It'll hurt more when I kick you there. **"sit on it lik dis" sed harry potter. an i did. meanwhile we playd an alot o ppl came arond an watcht ud. dere wuz so many of dem dat dey filed up all da seets. dey wa cherin. den i saw da flin bal. i didnt wan t harry to see it so i sed "imma gonna go up here fo a whil"

"wel alrit as log as u dont cach da snickers!" **But Snickers are delicious!**

"ok" i sed lik i didn se it.

"wel ok" sed harry potter "bcuz im aboot to put da ball in ur hole!" **THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! AGAIN!**

i went up but wen i wuz abutt to get it a guy in a big blak cap came in on his brommsticks. He poented his wond at me "die". i den fel off mah bromstik. "AHHHHHHHHH!111111111" i sed.

"TURTLE!11111" sed herman. da ppl scremd when i wuz fallin. it hit da grund. then i died. **YAY! *dances***


	4. Where Thunder is Sorry

_**Hey guys,**_

_**I just wanna say that all of my stories are on a hiatus until further notice.**_

_**I will only be replying to PMS and reading fanfics.**_

_**The reason being that my dad's leg's been cut off and I have to take care of him. And Jess, my best friend, well... Let's just say she's been rather upset lately, and her no-good-dirty-rotten-pig-stealing-great-great-grandfather boyfriend Lewis-**_

_**Lewis: HEY!**_

_**-is hiding some great big secret from her so now he has no time for her.**_

_**AND I'm fasting (It's the Islamic month of Ramadhan, where- Just look it up) so I'm really weak.**_

_**So... Yeah. Don't be expecting any more chapters from me for a little bit.**_

_**-Thunder out.**_


	5. Where Turtle Has Sex With a Boy

**I'm only updating once a month. Family stuff :(  
Oh and:  
****WTFHYAKMAIYHSIWHMJE?= What The Fucking Hell You Almost Killed Me And If You'd Have Succeeded I Would Have Met Jashin Early.**

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An: heres anodder chapper! **Isn't Turtle dead though?**

da next day i wook up in da hosbitel. "ur all betta" sed da nurse. **HE'S DEAD BITCH!**

"nigga don scar me lik dat" sed herman. **Herman, stop being racist.**

"u almost dyd" sed harry pottr. **He DID die, and why do you use Harry's full name? **

"wut was dat?" i sed. **STOP SEDDING YOU ***********************

"it wuz da dark lord vadermort and he wantz to hurt ur mama" **YO MAMA!**

"WART?11" i sed **STOP SEDDING GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!**

"u gotta lisin turtle u gotta kill vadermort. it sed so in da profasi" **That's an Italian dish...**

"dat sounds dangerus" sed herman **Herman, for the brightest witch of your age, YOU'RE FRICKIN STUPID.**

"yeah he wants 2 destroi da world" sed harry **No! He wants to kill everyone!**

"ok" i sed "if he touchs ma mama IMMA POP A CAP IN DAT NIGGAS ASS!11111" **Racist. Again.**

den da dubledoor **The Dumbledore?** cam in. "shuddnt u chilldrn b in class?" he sed **SEDDING AGAIN!**

"but da dark lard almst killd turtel!11" sed herman **Herman, shut it.**

"dun say dat name" sed da vadermort **WTFHYAKMAIYSIHWHMJE?** "especially u turtle"

"well ill hafta suspind u all" He **gets suspended for what? I'm not complaining, I'm just curious. **sed **I give up.** dumbeldoor "especially u turtle" **Deja vu.** den da dumbldor runnd awy on his bromstik. **Still funny.** so we all went bak to our rooms. **O.O**

i went to sleep. when i wuz alssep i saw da man wit da blak cape and da blak coat. **Darth Vader?** dere was a snake coimg out of da front a himself. **... Are you describing his penis? Turtle's having wet dreams about Darth Vader!** he wuz sittin in a char in fron of da fried place. **May I take your order?** he sed 2 da snape "imma kill dat nigga **RACIST** boi soulja spirit buu jackson" I woke up scard. **No wonder. Darth Vader wants to kill you.** dere wuz som1 under da cofers wit me.** -.-** it wuz herman. **o.o** she wuz nekked.**O.O** "lets hav sex" she said. ***eyes explode*** so she bends over and i stuk my big blak cok in her tinee wite ass. **Ew. **

"YES TURTLE YES" she sed. **Stop. Please.** den i cam. an we stop. "what r u doin" sed harry next to me. **Harry's with you as well?!** "noddin" i sed ambarrist. "oh. i tot i herd somting." **Wow you're stupid.**

"i didnt heer noddin" i sed.

"oh, okay" sed harry and he went bak to slep. den we all went doon 2 brekfest. So **Harry fell asleep so you went down to breakfast?** "how did u slep?" sed herman. "gret" i sed an slimed. **S-Slimed? O.O**

"what're u guys takken bout" sed harry pottr. **Nuthin... Ku ku ku...**

"aww noddin" i sed an i smield. **O.O**

"yeh" sed herman an she smiled. **Phew. I thought you were Bella.**

"yeh" i sed an i slmied 2. **TOO MUCH SMILING!**

"what r u boiz smilin bout?" sed da dumbeldoor. **So Herman's not Hermione? That means Turtle's gay.**

"ah noddin" **Nodding.**

"well u had bettr hury up an get 2 clss" sed da dubledoor. **They're eating...**

"ok we sed an den we went 2 magik class**. Duh, you're at a magic school.**

"did u all do ur homerk?" sed da teakher? **O.O THERE WAS HOMEWORK?**

"i didnt" i sed. **Oooooh, you gon be dead brah.**

"why not, turtle! u hav such potenshal!" she sed **O.O**

"bcuz he was almost kiled bi vadermort" we sed. **Unison!**

"u fot vadermort? u must b a grat wizrd!" she sed. "fin u get an a+" she sed. **Next time I forget my homework, I'm gonna tell the teacher that I murdered Joseph Kony with a paperclip.**

we sat thro class. **You sat throw class?**

AN: haha u thot i wuz ded didnt u! **Idiot.** well i trikd u lololol mor chpters cummin soon **C-Cumming? O.O**


End file.
